Staying updated on the latest surrounding the Hill Country floods can be a difficult task: keep tabs on the numbers, the scale of the tragedy, the efforts of first responders or what officials are saying.
For many, including parents, first responders, young people, or survivors of those who were lost in this tragedy, the feelings can be much, much more difficult to process.
Gillian Rodriguez is with the Texas Counseling Association in the Hill Country. She’s been pulling together resources since Friday to help fellow Texans understand the range of feelings and what we can do with them. She joined Texas Standard for a discussion. Listen to the interview above or read the transcript below.
This transcript has been edited lightly for clarity:
Texas Standard: I want to be upfront about this, Gillian, because when I think of processing my feelings, I don’t want to be processed. And yet these feelings can be debilitating. I don’t even know how to start to talk about this without it sounding like, you know, detached clinical mumbo jumbo, if you know what I mean.
How do you begin talking about this with the people that are in need of help?
Gillian Rodriguez: I think we first just begin by acknowledging, which you just did, that this is something that is collective. It is collective grief affecting our entire Texas community. And in acknowledging that, we can label those feelings: anger, sadness, confusion.
I think the first step is going to be looking at how two different things can be true with traumatic grief. So, there can be sadness at the same time as thinking about joyful memories that we had at camp or at the river, that those two feelings can exist at the same time and that can be really difficult to process and think about.
Something that I’m hearing a lot of, at least online, is that some of the first responders seem to be struggling, especially as they find the bodies of those who’ve been killed in the course of this tragedy.
A lot of first responders are able to compartmentalize that, but then it starts to compound, right?
Yes, absolutely. Especially because of the scale of what we’re talking about and because a lot of these first responders have families themselves. They have community connections themselves. So it’s professional and personal for them at the same time.
How they can recognize that they may need to step back is in simply talking with one another, taking advantage of peer support and noticing what’s coming up in their physical bodies. If they’re exhausted, thirsty, tearful, shaky, all of those physical signs of just emotional exhaustion.
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Have you heard of this idea of what’s at least been described in the popular press as “survivor’s guilt”? What is that and could you say more about that and how to deal with it?
So survivor’s guilt is essentially what happens when someone has, again, those opposite feelings of, “I should have been there,” or “I could have been there, it should have be me,” or “it could have been me, and yet it’s not, and I’m still here, and I have to sort of live with the gravity of that.”
What I would recommend if someone is having those kinds of thoughts or experiencing that is to, again, connect with a professional counselor who’s trained and proficient in stepping through that process.
I know that a lot of Texans around the state were closely following as these events unfolded and many have expressed that feeling of helplessness that I was talking about a little bit earlier.
Can you say more about that feeling and how we can manage that as we try to get through our days?
That feeling of helplessness really, I think, speaks to the heart of Texans. We come together, we help strangers, we help our neighbors and friends and people we know. So when we can’t do that, it’s a very powerless feeling.
One of the most important things to do when you feel helpless is to be still and able to acknowledge that that’s what you’re feeling. And then the next thing that you can do after that is to identify an area where you can help and where that’s requested.
So, not necessarily self-inserting and assuming help is wanted or needed, but rather following a community leader, following community direction, and saying, “okay, this specific donation center is asking for these specific items, that’s an area where I can help, let me plug in there.”
I love what you’re saying about this, and I just want to take that a step further because you were talking about when someone asks for help. And I think a lot of times we feel like we want to embrace that person who may be experiencing a loss or we may sense that they’re traumatized or we make sense that they’re struggling.
And yet, we don’t know what to say. We don’t know even how to broach that or even if we should be broaching that with someone else. What would you say?
I think the idea of presence is really important instead of uninvited help. So if you’re not sure if, “should I speak to this person? Should I bring this up? Should I broach this?,” simply just share presence with them and say, “hey, you know what, I’m right here.”
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I wonder, Gillian, if you have any insight on why it is that it seems that this particular event feels so traumatic to so many Texans.
We are not unfamiliar. I mean, bad weather, catastrophic weather, is not something that we’re unfamiliar with as Texans. And yet, there’s something about this event that seems to have hit so many people so hard. Why is that?
So I think part of what you’re touching on is this idea of emotional juxtaposition or contrast. When we’re seeing images of a teddy bear, but that’s been muddied, that’s been under floodwater, it strikes that chord in us because we can’t recognize how these two opposites can be so true at the same time.
Can you share some of the resources that I know you’ve been gathering for folks in the Hill Country with our listeners? Is there anything that you consider like a go-to for people who may be struggling right now?
So, looking to local churches that are connected with resources, that would be a great first step.
I think also looking toward recognized professional associations like the Texas Counseling Association. We have a counseling list that has been verified of licensed providers who are proficient in trauma work. It’s really important to trust their resources and not just go with anything that’s handed out.
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