Velma Lisa Duran took a second day off from work on Monday to represent her sister in the courtroom during the second week of the trial of former Uvalde school police officer Adrian Gonzales.
The trial is being held in Corpus Christi after a judge ruled Gonzales could not get a fair trial in Uvalde, where the 2022 Robb Elementary School shooting took place.
Duran originally planned to drive two hours home to San Antonio after court on Monday so she could return to her classroom and teach the next day. She's a first-grade teacher.
But sitting in a Corpus Christi hotel room Monday evening, she said she just didn't have it in her to teach the next day.
"That was the plan for today, go back home, go to work tomorrow. I just can't. I can barely breathe," Duran told Texas Public Radio.
She said it was a very tough day in court. She was taken off guard by how often her sister's classroom was mentioned, and by autopsy photos of the children who were killed.
Duran's little sister, Irma Linda Garcia, was killed in the 2022 mass shooting alongside her co-teacher, Eva Mireles, and 19 fourth-grade students.
"Seeing the faces on the screen today, it was just like I couldn't breathe, and then having to be really quiet, because if you cry, you make an outburst, the chance is that you won't be able to return. So it was really, really difficult," she said.
Part of what she's struggling with is that no criminal charges have been filed for her sister's death. Adrian Gonzales is on trial for 29 counts of child endangerment for the 19 children who were killed in the shooting, and for 10 more children who survived.
"My sister not being on the indictment … I just, I don't know. DA Mitchell, the last time I spoke to her, she said it was going to take time… And, you know, to let the process work," she said.
Duran believed the charges announced more than a year ago were only the beginning, and more charges would come later.
"Now I know no one's going to take accountability for my sister's death. It's like she never existed, and so that's hitting me really hard right now," she said.
She said she only learned about two weeks before the trial that there would be no indictment for the teachers.
"It's always been so difficult to get a hold of DA Mitchell, so I didn't want to impede her ability to focus on the case, so I sort of just stepped back," she said.
Uvalde District Attorney Christina Mitchell did not respond to a request for comment.
"Instead of spending my time online and trying to figure things out and going to different platforms, I just sort of just stay away. And it was my way of surviving because it's been really lonely and difficult," Duran said.
Duran added that it's also really hard to listen to the defense make their case — like when they explained Gonzales' inaction by pointing to his lack of high-tech gear.
"There's two wonderful women dead who tried their best to protect their students. They didn't need a shield, and they didn't need an AR 15, a pistol. They didn't need nothing. They used themselves to protect their children. When these men had every opportunity to go in. They were armed," she said.
Gonzales's attorneys often call the gunman a monster. But Duran said that misses the point because nearly 400 officers waited more than an hour to confront him — and that everyone who failed her sister and her students shares the blame.
"She lost children. And the children that survived are her kids. Her kids deserve justice. And that's not justice, putting it all on one officer," she said.
Duran said she reached a breaking point Tuesday when the defense described Gonzales as a "hero" for finding the key to unlock her sister's classroom.
"Why are you trying to portray him as a hero? Because at the end, after an hour, he finds the master key? That was just ridiculous. I just couldn't …" she said.
Now barred from the courtroom, Duran is watching the trial from a distance. She said she worried justice may never come for the children of Uvalde. But even if the jury finds Gonzales guilty of child endangerment, she said it won't be justice for her sister.
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